you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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