If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
