I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
