He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize