You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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