I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
