i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
