Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
