fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
