Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
