I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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