You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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