the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
