i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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