I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
