I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
