This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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