This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my shit smells like andre
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
