we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
