Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
