god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
