I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
