Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
