Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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