jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
