Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
