I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
