Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
