so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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