did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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