do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize