she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
me + whiskey = a bad person
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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