By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you would pick up someone in the library
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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