Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
