Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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