I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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