Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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