Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
