wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize