his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
