Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
