Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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