White coat. Heels.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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