I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize