On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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