Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
