I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
