Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
