i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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