I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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