Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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