Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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