i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
