I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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