census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
