Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
