let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just threw up on my dentist
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
