I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
