Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
