i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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