What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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