Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
