ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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