My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
