he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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