You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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