you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
