everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just crazy horny about you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
