My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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