So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
