You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
