If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
