In the future we'll all be gay
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
