haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
