I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
