It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
