Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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